13 February 2011

Valentine

Our outsider artist is in the living room, making valentines for his teachers and classmates and singing along to Looney Tunes.  His drawings have the childlike quality that grown artists strive for; simple lines and vibrant colors that send a direct, uncomplicated message of genuine affection.  These are the moments we never want to lose, where the gifts so thoroughly eclipse the challenges that we are not even sure they were ever there at all.

8 February 2011

Monday, Monday

The best way to chronicle my slow descent into madness on this day that I would rather not remember is to list what I ate, and where, in order:

  • 2 cups of strong coffee – home after rising at 5:30 to see husband off
  • 1 large cafe au lait – in a cafe while meeting with a School Committee member about Special Education transportation contracts and budget
  • 1 slice of whole wheat toast with cream cheese and smoked salmon – home after picking up sick kid
  • 1 bottle sparkling water – car
  • 2 large white chocolate macadamia nut cookies – parking lot of Whole Foods after another kid has a panic attack in the coffee section of the store
  • 1/2 of a pulled pork sandwich on a white roll – standing in kitchen at home
  • three bites of buffalo chicken pizza – dining room with sick kid who thought that this kind of pizza would taste good
  • the rest of the buffalo chicken off of the slice of pizza – dining room
  • 1 large white chocolate macadamia nut cookie – in front of computer
  • 6 ounces of green olives with garlic and lemon – in kitchen while making a burger for kid who would not eat anything from Whole Foods
  • 1 bottle sparkling water – in bed.
2 February 2011

Fear of Music

There is this ache, this sense that there is a song inside but that the melody cannot reach the vocal chords or the fingers and that all that is allowed to emerge is a monotone or a scream.  Sometimes it’s the child, sometimes it’s the parent but the pain and the impotence are the same.

28 January 2011

Try Everything

 

As parents we are more likely to think we are doing everything wrong than anything right.  That goes double for a family facing autism.  For every one intervention you try can find a book by someone who is doing ten times as much with fabulous results (skip Jenny McCarthy’s book; read Karyn Seroussi’s).  Any success is a miracle; any failure is our fault.  The good days evaporate like rain in summer, the bad ones linger on like an endless, frozen winter.  There are a million metaphors and just as many therapies.

But really, the idea behind all parenting challenges is to look at the child in front of you and identify two or three things that make you both miserable and try to work on them, one at a time.  Only do what someone else does if it makes sense for your family.  If you are trying a diet, remove one food at a time, and consult a doctor before you start (and if they tell you not to try it, ask why).  If you don’t see results in 2-4 weeks, stop.

And have the courage of your convictions.  Kids can smell doubt a mile away, and if they think there is one smidgen of a chance that you will cave on anything, they will wait you out.  Next time I will tell you about one of my Tiger Mother moments.  It was totally worth it.

4 January 2011

The Essentials

My theory is that most crimes of passion are committed by people suffering from sleep deprivation.  Having just awakened from a nap after two weeks of Christmas vacation with my family, I am sticking to this theory, and it explains why my mother remembers nothing of our early childhood years, why I regret most of what I recall of my own children’s early childhood years, and why old people delight in napping the day away.  All I can say is, I’m sorry and always remember to let sleeping parents lie.  Lay.  Lie.  Whatever.